Why "Clingy" Children Might Struggle With Starting School

... and how to help!

If you're starting to feel that familiar tug at your leg every time you mention school, you're not alone.
Lots of children become extra clingy in the lead-up to starting school, even those who’ve been happy and independent in nursery. And honestly? It makes complete sense.

Starting school is a big leap - and for many children, it brings up all kinds of feelings about being apart from you, even if they can't quite put those feelings into words.

What’s really going on when children cling?

When a child clings, cries, or refuses to let go at drop-off, it’s not bad behaviour. It’s not even a sign that they’re not ready.

It’s connection.

Children this age are still developing their ability to hold you in mind when you're not there. In brain terms, that’s because the prefrontal cortex - the part responsible for emotional regulation and flexible thinking, is still under construction. In moments of separation, the more instinctive part of the brain (the amygdala) takes the lead and signals “danger!” - even if the child knows they’re safe.

That clingy behaviour? It’s their nervous system asking for reassurance.

How transitional objects help ease separation anxiety

One of the most powerful ways to soothe that fear is through transitional objects. These are small, meaningful items that help a child feel connected to their caregiver when apart; supporting them with the transition from one setting (or carer) to another.

Research shows that transitional objects can:

  • Reduce cortisol (stress hormone) during separations
  • Support children’s emotional regulation
  • Strengthen a child’s sense of security and confidence
  • Offer a visual or tactile reminder of their caregiver’s love and presence

These objects act as a bridge – a way for your child to feel your closeness, even when they can’t see you.

A small patch, a big feeling of comfort

That’s exactly why I created our Love Note Patches - to help children feel safe, supported, and close to you, even during those big, brave steps into school.

You simply iron it into their school jumper, coat, or PE bag, and it becomes their quiet little anchor during the day.

Whether it’s your handwriting, a special saying you have between you or a message like “You’ve got this!”, it’s a gentle reminder that you’re still with them, even when you're not right there.

"When my son was starting Primary School, I was so excited to find Olive & Pip’s love heart patches. 

As a mum (and psychologist) I couldn’t wait to order them for my little ones school uniform to help “bridge” that separation for him."  -  Child Psychologist Kimberley Bennett  

One small idea to try this month

If your child is showing signs of separation anxiety or feeling clingy about starting school, try introducing a transitional object like a Patch now, not just on their first day.

Let them help choose where it goes. Let them feel it, talk about it, name it even! They can pop it in their pocket to keep you close, knowing that when September comes it will be safety ironed into their uniform... helping it to feel familiar and reassuring come September.

And remember: clinginess isn’t a problem to fix. It’s a connection to honour.
You’re doing a beautiful job helping them feel safe in the world.

Discover our Patches here

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